Technology is a MFer. It improves and complicates our lives at the same damn time. We’ve become completely dependent on it. I mean seriously, how did I exist before obtaining the galaxy note 9? (Alexa, play “Make a choice” by Marc Rebillet). This hand-held contraption has become responsible for my entire existence. It’s my note pad, GPS, calendar, email, television, photo album, accountant, shopping mall, alarm clock, camera, arcade, movie theater, travel agent, financial advisor, urgent care provider, therapist, newspaper, encyclopedia, flashlight, paper weight, radio, karaoke machine, tuner, fitness tracker, metronome, recipe book, instruction manual, BFF, oh and I almost forgot, it’s a phone too! But perhaps the greatest feature of all, It’s my selfie taker!
Selfies are a fairly recent phenomena, gaining more popularity over the past 10 years with the presence of social media giants like Facebook, Instagram, and Kim Kardashian. Everyone has done it at least once in their life. We tend to judge those who post selfies often, assuming that the person must be either desperate for attention, conceited, or “thirst trapping”. One may even label a such a selfie poster narcissistic. Some may be, but that’s a generalization that is far from accurate. For myself, the ability to take and post a selfie is what has kept me sane and helped though my anxiety and depression.
So what if someone is posting for likes because they think they’re cute. GOOD! Why shouldn’t you think you’re the most beautiful girl or guy in the world? Does that belief in yourself make anyone else less beautiful? Of course not! If someone perceives it that way, has nothing to do with you and is none of your business. Is it possible to love yourself, appreciate your beauty and still be humble? OF course it is! This is what I am just now beginning to learn. Shining your light does not dim anyone else’s, but instead illuminates everything surrounding it to make everything brighter. This ideology is something I like to call being “Selfie-ish”. Being “Selfie-ish just means that your fabulousness is so astronomical that it would selfish of you to NOT to share it with the world. For myself, the ability to take and post a selfie is what has kept me sane and helped though my anxiety and depression.
When suffering from depression as a result of emotional abuse, a common symptom is lost interest in the things that you once loved. It’s hard to believe that for a period of time I didn’t want to shop or comb my hair. Everyone who knows me knows I have a uniform no matter what size I am, and that’s a little dress and heels. I went from wearing a dress and heels to the grocery store, to going to work in a t-shirt and sneakers (there was a relaxed dress code) People who were meeting for the first had no idea how far from ME that actually was. While I was married, I had been so isolated from my friends and family that many never noticed the change. Surely if they did, someone would have called 911 and had me medevac’d to the nearest mall. One thing that helped me cling to a piece of myself was a game called “Covet Fashion” (a fashion game that allows to you to create head to toe looks on a virtual doll and win prizes based on your scores voted on by other players) that I was “allowed” to play in peace for 1 hour a day after I came home from work. All the rest of my free time he demanded that it had to be dedicated to him and Him. For that one hour (if I was lucky) I got to pretend to do what once gave me so much joy. I got more pleasure out of dressing a virtual doll than myself.
Depression also made me feel constantly exhausted. Just something as simple as getting dressed seemed like a gargantuan task. I could literally feel my eyelids opening and closing when I blinked because even that took too much effort. I would have to force myself, like most people have to do when just starting to new gym routine, to get dressed in order to NOT look like how I was feeling. And just like some people take selfies of themselves after a good work out, I would snap a selfie to show that, “Wow, I actually found the strength to put on a dress”.
When I decided to move back in with my parents after leaving from my husband, it was exhausting getting dressed for a whole different reason. My Mom decided that her 25-year-old flair, embroidered, bedazzled, light-washed jeans needed more space and privacy than I did. Therefore, her wardrobe abyss took the last bedroom and every single closet in the house, which left me to fend for my own space wherever I could find it. While I was trying to heal myself from the pure mind f*ckery of my marriage, I ended up living out of the laundry room (aka Mikey the dog’s bathroom), my car, and storage unit. Now trying to get dressed for work when your underwear are upstairs in one drawer, the dog just pissed on your skirt so you have to go with plan B, your blazer is in a closet downstairs, your necklace is under your moms bed, your sweater is next to the dryer sheets by the towels and the shoes that match you forgot to get out of your storage unit because it took you 3 hours to drive home from work in traffic so you couldn’t make it before it closed the night before, and THEN having to step over dog shit to the random computer desk that you turned into a makeshift vanity to comb your hair and put makeup on is actually a gargantuan task. Putting together a decent outfit under those circumstances is a pure TRIUMPH and damn sure worth taking a selfie. Take away my ability to get dressed and you take away my ability to function as a human being. For the past 6 years I’ve been basically struggling to function as my authentic self.
At this very moment, I’m blessed to have my VERY OWN SPACE again for the first time in 4 years! I still love the food court, but I can now find peace at home. I am finally able to really work on my healing, mental health, and even this blog without distractions. My most recent experiences have made me appreciate everything that I have so much more. I’m getting to know myself again and I realize I not only do I love the girl I see in the mirror, but I really like her. She’s awesome! She’s a survivor and I want to humbly share her with the world.
The selfies I take are hardly ever random. In fact, they represent the fact that no matter what I’m going through, I found the strength to get dressed, put on some lipstick, and face another day even when I didn’t want to. So, the next time you judge another person’s selfie, stop and think what the story may be behind it. With my selfies, I’m not seeking validation. It’s a reminder that I’m still here and that I love myself enough to keep fighting. And THAT makes me Selfie-ish.
ARE YOU #SELFIEISH???
Feel free to drop a selfie that represents a triumph in your life no matter how big or bigger (because there are no small triumphs). Celebrate you and share your light with the world
I think this is my favorite one
I absolutely LOVE that you have found SUNNI....Her is pretty dope!