So here I am, all dolled up like I’m about to hit the VMA red carpet in my bra with little sprinkley things on it (refer to the movie “Selena”) and I’m sitting there with a barrage of questions flowing through my mind like….
My Brain: ” Is this happening right now? This isn’t happening, is it? A f*cking Chinese Buffet??? I hope we're just picking someone up. Wait…Maybe this is a joke? Maybe April Fool's lasts all month long in 2010? OK, ok, ok.... don’t jump to conclusions....because maybe you’ll walk in and the place it’s actually straight up VIP club called "Chinese Buffet" and there will be a performance featuring Janet Jackson just like on ‘My Super Sweet 16! My Super Sweet 30! OK! OR…Maybe Musiq Soulchild is in there about to sing happy birthday to me right now? ”
Bambi Eyes: "Aight, we gotta hurry up and go inside"
Bambi eyes and I get out of the car and he walks slightly ahead of me towards to Chinese Buffet entrance because I refused to rush in my stilettos. As we get closer to the front entrance I'm thinking....
My Brain: "Oh, so we really ARE going inside here...."
The time is now 6:50PM.
Bambi eyes opens the door for me, and when I turn the corner I see a bunch of my friends and family sitting in the reserved section with empty plates. AND...with all the enthusiasm of a 5-year-old after opening a box of socks for Christmas, they all said “Surprise……”
My mother comes over to me as I am standing there in utter disbelief and says,
Mom: “Welcome! Today I am taking you around the world and right now you are in China!!!”
she announces with her arms wide open as if she were a TV mogul giving out free cars to the studio audience.....
”...but hurry up and eat now because we have be out of this room in 10 minutes”
There was no time to process what was happening. I had just enough time to grab a plate of Sushi and stuff it in my mouth. It was delicious! I’m not sure if it was delicious because I had to deprived myself of any food with actual taste for the past year, or because it was just THAT good. It didn’t matter, I was just happy to be eating something that wasn’t a baby carrot. the culinary blissfulness was short-lived as I had to start saying my goodbyes just minutes after I arrived. I barely had the chance to speak to everyone.
As they were getting ready to leave. My mom grabs everyone's attention and says,
MOM: “Now it's time for the next destination…. We are going to Africa!”
At this point, I am numb.
My Brain: “Ok, so there’s more? Stay calm, maybe the real surprise is coming”
So now, my mom starts handing out yellow tickets. What are they for? They are tickets to an African Dance assembly being held at an elementary school in West Baltimore, AKA “The Hood” 30 minutes across town. Let me explain.....Now at the time, my mom was working for Baltimore City Schools as the director of an afterschool program for under-privileged/at-risk youth. An African dance troop was one of the subsidiaries of that program. These tickets actually costs money (about $10) and those who wanted to join paid for them. Show starts @ 8PM.
As I see most of my friends and family drive off, Bambi eyes and I get in the car and start navigating ourselves to the school auditorium (keep in mind this was before smart phones with unlimited data and built in gps). With less than half the folks from the Chinese buffet who had already dropped out of the “birthday celebration” ,we find our way there and park on the street. It was getting dark and for whatever reason, there weren't any street lights on. Cautiously, we walk towards the school's front entrance, and like most schools in the inner city, It’s was old (Probably built in the 50s)…. AND HOT! The auditorium had those old hard, wooden stationery chairs with the flip down seats. The subway tiles lining the walls produced a loud echo which amplified the click clack of my 5-inch stilettos as I walked in. There were a few people already sporadically sitting in there seats. My mom smiled and waved at a few familiar faces as Bambi Eyes and I took our seats towards the back.
About 10 minutes later the dancers took to the stage dressed in traditional African garb and recited their dance routines from the afterschool program. As they’re performing, my mind is wandering like…
My Brain: “Ok, I’m burning up. Is there AC in here? Somebody got the temperature set on 'oppression'. Should I take my jacket off? Naaaaw, I'ma leave it on. If I take my jacket off, I’ll look like some child's desperate mamma trying snatch one of these daddy's up in here in this outfit. Do I know any of these kids? Awww, well they are doing a good job, tho. I’m not sure what this whole thing has to do with me and my 30th birthday, BUT maybe they will bring a cake out at the end or something?....OH wow, more dancing!...Niiiiiice. Ok someone is about to speak now. Is this my birthday shout-out coming? YEAH! Oh wait… no, he was just thanking one of the parents. Maybe now? No…Ok….more dancing. OH wooow that girl in front is getting it, but what time is it? Is it almost 9:30? Who has a dance recital at an elementary school this late on a Saturday night anyway??? There must be something special going on then. OH! My birthday! Aaaaaaah, ok it's about to pop off soon then."
The time is now 9:30PM
My Brain (cont.) : *looking around* "Where is Supernova? I thought they were right behind us? When is the cake coming out? Will there be a dance tribute at the end or something? Where’s Janet Jackson?”
Meanwhile, unbeknownst to me and everyone else, the squeaky clean and very white 2/3s of Supernova is navigating through crime infested West Baltimore where they eventually get stopped by the Baltimore City Police. It was the first time I've ever heard of anyone being accosted by police for appearing to be NON-threatening. As they were lost in the city, I assume it was painfully obvious that they were NOT from " the hood" and the cops took notice. “Get out of here now and go home!” the cops warned. Apparently soon after, they hall assed out of the city limits and never made it to the school.
Almost 2 hours later after the start of the program, the dance troop did their final pose after the encore. The audience applauded and just like that, it was over. Just over. No fanfare, no hidden birthday messages, no surprises. Just over.
My Brain: **sound of crickets churping*** “Did I just spend the evening of my 30th birthday at a kid’s (kids I don’t even know) dance recital dressed in a bodycon dress and a sprinkly bra?”
Yeah….I did. But, I was still hopeful! It was almost 10PM and the night was still young!
My Brain: "OK so now the real party is about to begin!.....Right? This must be all a set up for the BIG surprise about to happen….Right?” *crickets continue churping*
My mother is beaming after watching her kid's program. As Bambi Eyes, my dad and I stand in the school lobby, wondering WTF is going on, my mother comes over and says,
Mom: "Now we are off to the rest of the continents. Australia, Europe, South America, and Antarctica"
My Brain: "Oh shit...…"
(To be continued)
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